Homer’s story

I chose to write a story from the sentence “Oops, I shouldn’t have eaten the poison mushrooms!”

  I shouldn’t have eaten the poison mushrooms. It all started when I was out looking for swamp milkweed pods. I was in the conservation area, mainly driving the little roads, then stopping and getting out to check for milkweed. I had to be careful because it was deer season and I didn’t have any hunter orange clothing. I kept meaning to buy a hat or vest but either the pandemic or the shots for it have done something to my memory. 

  Anyway, it seemed like every where I went yesterday, looking for milkweed, also had some way interesting mushrooms. I had just become interested in mushrooms in the past few months and bought a book to help me identify them. Audubon’s. 

  So, I found some pear-shaped puffballs but they were spongy, not firm, so not good to eat. I found some orange mushrooms too and they looked like chanterelles! I can’t believe I could find those as they are widely sought after. I picked a few of each and drove on to my next swamp milkweed location. 

  Later when I got home, my mom and I went thru my book and she looked online, checking the mushrooms, color, shapes, gills, etc. we were convinced the orange ones were chanterelles.  She refused to eat any but I looked up some recipes and cooked some to have with my dinner. They tasted mushroomy and of course I cooked them in butter and garlic. The book suggested to go easy when trying new mushrooms in case of an allergy. So, I didn’t eat many.

  I was working that night but got off at midnight as usual. My mom watched the weather and went to bed. My stomach was growling as it came time to wrap up my work. I fixed a peanut butter sandwich with hot cocoa to eat while reading The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind by Jaynes.  Finally I set up my mom’s coffee for morning and went to bed. 

Next thing I know, it’s 3am and I’m writhing in pain but I cant get out of bed. My mind went immediately to those dang  mushrooms! Why didn’t I ask someone else before I ate them?!  It was all I could do to reach my phone and call 911. I told the dispatcher I was in so much pain, I couldn’t get out of bed. She asked how the EMTs could get in. I told her there was a key in the mailbox.  I knew my mom would never hear me or the EMTs with her hearing aids out. 

When the EMTs arrived I could hear them in the hall. I called out and they came in. “What happened?” They asked. I told them about the poison mushrooms. So they brought a gurney and got one the container from the fridge with the remaining mushrooms to take with us. 

I must have passed out because I woke up and it was morning. Nurses were coming in and out but didn’t seem to have time to talk. “The doctor will be in shortly.” Was all they would say. My throat was sore as if I’d had an operation and I was pretty groggy. I wondered what could have happened.

Soon the doctor and a nurse or assistant came in and shut the door. I looked at him and he didn’t speak. “Well, what happened to me last night? Was it the mushrooms?” He and the nurse looked at each other. “You had an emergency appendectomy.” He said. 

I was flabbergasted. “What!?”  He said, “Yes, it was just coincidence that you are the mushrooms.” I let out a sigh of relief. Wow. I was not expecting that.  The doctor said, as he turned to the door, “You’ll be out in a few days.”  Then he turned back. “By the way, the mushrooms were not poisonous, but we are not sure if your skin will ever turn back to its original color.”  

I pulled my arm out from under the blanket and found my arm to be bright orange! “My face too?” I asked. “Yep, your whole body. No one has ever seen it before. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”